This post is sort of a response to a question that I have had myself as well as heard from many other people. The question as best as I can phrase it is: why do some churches act like they would rather punch a person in the face over sin rather than extend love and grace, like Jesus did. Here is my attempt at an answer (especially in reference to abortion)…
I think that churches are too concerned with people’s behavior and not concerned enough with their hearts. There are too many churches that too quickly judge and condemn a sinner for sin (huh?). And they are too slow to show grace (even though they freely recieved it from Jesus to begin with). And this comes about when churches develop an attitude of superiority over the culture. Christians begin to think that since they go to church and everyone has it together and no one struggles with sin, then they have to pretend that they are OK too or others might find out that they are phony. But the truth is we are all phony. We all struggle. To pretend that we are OK in the midst of major battles with sin to appease the critical church leadership is ridiculous.
Churches should encourage a community of compassion and grace and openness about sin. Sin destroys people and the church most when we all pretend that there is no problem. My point about compassion and grace is to say that all people struggle, and many teenagers will struggle with sex. When they make a mistake and dishonor Jesus with their actions it should not be our first response to humiliate them by letting everyone know that “Jack is meeting with the pastor because he had sex, he’s in trouble”. This is why we need transparency. Teens and adults need to feel like being honest about their struggles will not lead to public humiliation and the back of the churches hand. Instead, they should feel comfortable enough to discuss that they are struggling with sex or drugs or whatever. It is when people are fearful of what others will think that causes them to try to hide their own sin.
So in effect, the attitude of judgment and condemnation from “holy” people can lead teens and adults to extremes in trying to hide their sin. Which, in the case of sex, often leads down the road to abortion. The irony here is that churches have such a strong anti-abortion stance, but are unwilling to admit that their members are sinners and struggle with sin, that they create an environment where it is not safe to struggle and people are then forced to deal with their sin in the only way that they know how (and because the church offers no answer, the culture fills the gap). It doesn’t matter how well you teach them or how ridiculous you make the requirements to date (or court or whatever other legalistic word you use), all people struggle with sin and many struggle with sex. To pretend otherwise is naive.
I believe churches should teach the truth that God designed sex to be enjoyed in heterosexual marriage and that sex before marriage is wrong and it dishonors God, and abortion is wrong. But they must not forget to even more passionatley teach the truth that the cross exists because of such failures. Jesus died to forgive. To forgive all sin.
A church cannot beat obedience into their people. What they need to do is continually preach and teach the goodness and love of Jesus Christ in hopes that people’s hearts would be stirred with affection toward Him and that their hearts would be content in Him and that He would change them.
It comes down to this. I believe that people are so afraid of the shame and judgement that they will get from church and “holy” people that they choose to hide (rather than confront and deal with) their sin. And that desire for self preservation is so strong that it can lead young women to kill the life in them so that no one will know they had sex. And then the church sends fools out with picket signs and terrible images of aborted children to scare people into obedience and heap shame onto the heads of those women who have had abortions and still struggle with it today. The church should be more like Jesus. It should be about hope and forgiveness. It should be about love and compassion, and not just toward the lives lost to abortion but also to the women and men that must live with that decision the rest of their lives and struggle under the surface with the pain of so many people belitteling them with their judgmental talk.
The church should be about grace and hope. It should be a place where it is OK to struggle. It should be a place where it is safe to talk about sin. It should be a place where there is no shame for the past, where people experience grace and not judgement for what they’ve done.
But I’m one man, with one opinion and a blog that no one reads, how can I affect this kind of change? The good news is that God is faithful and He will build His church and He will purify her. May God fill us with grace and love for the hurting, and enable us to pass on the hope that we have in Him and that He would put to death in us the judgementalism that we demonstrate to the same people that we all once were.
