You Know That Road

I hate struggling with sin. I wish I could just turn my sin off like a light switch, but the truth is, I can’t. And no matter how strongly I believe that I have mastered my sin, it lies behind the well built facade that I live out and begs for attention.

It is sometimes just as difficult to watch others struggle with, or in some cases surrender to, their sin.  It is hard to watch someone destroy all that God has built in and around them for fleeting moment of happiness.

In my better moments I want to strangle the version of me that is enslaved to sin.  I just want to yell at him, “look at all of the blessings that you have, don’t you get it?  You have everything you need and most things you want, but your ridiculous actions are robbing you of the joy that those blessings bring.  And for what? Being a little numb to the world for a few minutes? You are a joke, man.” But the shame of it is that, while living in my sin, I cannot see the destructive power of it. In those moments I don’t recognize the devastating consequences of my actions.

I see this in others too. I see their blindness to the light. And I just want to shake them and say “wake up, God has better plans for you.”

It is hard to watch.

I feel like Trinity from the Matrix. She tells Neo “You’ve been down there, Neo. You already know that road. You know exactly where it ends. And I know that’s not where you want to be.”

But no matter what I do, or how passionately I plead, it is still their choice. And sometimes all you can do is watch, pray, and wait for God’s humbling.

Oh, how I long for that day that God will flip that switch and give me a new body that is not broken under the weight of sin and is not bent toward anything but Godliness.  And how I long for that to be true in the lives of all of those I love.

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